“The pain was too much to bear inwardly because I didn’t “fit the mold” outwardly. That’s when after my third failed attempt at committing suicide I realized I needed to seek help…”
My name is Charlet Gonzalez and there is a lot more to me than meets the eyes…
Many people would look at me now and think that my life has always been flowers and rainbows. That I have always been in shape and have never struggled a day in my life. Well, to be quiet honest that’s not true at all. In fact it’s the opposite.
Growing up I was always active and lived a pretty healthy life for a kid, but all that changed when I turned 7 years old. I was having constant pain in my right ear and non-stop ear infections. When I finally went to the doctor I was told that I needed to have surgery to remove the disease that was taking over my ear. I was devastated. How could this be?
From that time on I was constantly made fun of because of my hearing disability. It made me severely depressed. I couldn’t take the pain any longer. I got to such a low and dark place in my mind and life that I tried to commit suicide. The first time was a failed attempt. So was the second. I tried one more time to just end it all. End all the pain. End all of the feelings of not being “normal” like everyone else. But, even the third time… failed. I thought to myself what’s the point of living anymore? I would ask God why He made me this way. I couldn’t take the constant bullying, the constant harassment I was getting from my peers, the frustrations inside my own mind, and the battles in my own head. The pain was too much to bear inwardly because I didn’t “fit the mold” outwardly.
That’s when after my third failed attempt at committing suicide I realized I needed to seek help and figure out what was going on. I knew there must be a purpose that I was not understanding.
My ear doctor told me I would outgrow the disease that I had and that I could get a hearing implant to better help me hear. Just maybe I could live a normal life.
Fast track to turning 21 years old. I spiraled out of control health wise because I still couldn’t come to terms with having a disability. I was drinking every weekend and the weight kept creeping on me. Finally when I was 22 years old I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw. Who was this person? This isn’t me. This isn’t who I was made to be. I looked fat. I was unhealthy in every aspect of being unhealthy: Emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was unhappy and the worst part was knowing I did this to myself. No person that made fun of me in the past did this to me. I DID THIS TO ME!
I knew I had to do something… anything… or I was going to be completely lost. I took my life to the next level by joining a gym, creating a social media account on Instagram and started following fitness athletes. There was only one person that I truly looked up to and
wanted to be like and that was Dana Linn Bailey. She did not sugar coat anything and told it like it was. That was all I needed to pull my head out of my ass and I began to realize I had the power to change my life. I could feel it. It consumed me. Knowing that I could change my negative thoughts, my negative outlook, and ultimately change myself was empowering.
I started changing my diet. I worked out all the time and this became my therapy. It helped me ween off of my anti-depressants and I started seeing the results. That’s when it happened and I fell in love with the fitness industry and the new me.
It took me six years to decide to compete in an NPC show. Many people compete in shows because they want a pro card, to be the best, or to at least be better than the next person. NOT ME! I didn’t compete for any of that. I wanted to set a goal for myself and see how far I
could push myself to achieve it. I got tired of the excuses of “what I couldn’t do” and decided to see what would happen if I went all in. No more telling myself, “you can’t do that” and I began telling myself “see what you can do.”
I continue to push myself day-in-and-day-out to show others out there who struggle with depression, body image issues, and who may feel like there is no brighter tomorrow that they are not alone. I am there to help motivate them, support them along every step of the way, and to be that voice that is louder than the negative voices in their own head telling them they can’t do it. YOU CAN! If you have a goal for yourself make it happen. You have the power inside of you to accomplish anything and everything you set your mind too. Never give up on what means the most to you. It doesn’t matter if others believe it or believe in you, it’s not theirs to believe… IT’S YOURS! You are more powerful than you know or give yourself credit.